Iféoluwa’s Zombie Tips

Zombies are almost exclusively a threat and a nuisance; the only exception being if and only when they are dancing. If surrounded by non-dancing zombies, flee. Solo, if possible. They are only strong in groups. If you possess a large quantity of brains, be doubly cautious. They are attracted to brains, but only for consumption. They will not stop until you are one of them. Always be on the look out, though they are easy to spot. It’s in the eyes. If you are not sure whether zombies are present, be kind and smile widely. They view this as weakness and will then clumsily attack. (Note: Displays of unbiased, logic based thinking have also proven to be potent irritants to the Zombie.) When zombies have revealed themselves, proceed to beat they ass. Swiftly and thoroughly. Any observing zombies will then be promptly warned off. Some may even try to endear themselves to you. (Fun fact: The only thing zombies love more than eating brains and zombie conversion is abuse.) But please, abeg o, don’t be fooled. Once a zombie, always a zombie.

I hope these zombie tips have been helpful to you. Now travel into the night without fear. Good luck.